your mama

they call us superheroes
amazing, wonderful, beautiful.
They say
we don't know how you do it all
have it all
know it all
They applaud our bravery and determination.
They marvel at our juggling act and thank us for being so servant hearted.

I call myself
a failure, flawed and plain.
I see myself struggle to do much
the house a mess, in pjs at 2pm.
I hear myself get angry
I feel tired and like my brain has turned to mush.
I juggle the crying baby and the pleading toddler.
I want just a minute to myself.

But to you my little child.
You see warm arms to hold you
A soft voice to sing to you
A friend to play with
And you my sweet baby
You see the one who rocks you to sleep
Gives you sweet milk
And kisses your sweet cheeks.

You see me as I am.
Your mama.

Content

I've seen a whole lot of stuff on the net lately about the way we portray ourselves online and about comparing ourselves with others.
About posting your "perfect" food, children, home on Instagram.
About talking about your "perfect" life on Facebook.

And I get it. I TOTALLY get that icky feeling when you look around your house at the dishes that have been sitting on the sink all weekend, the playdoh and weet bix squashed into the carpet, the reheated chicken curry you burned in the microwave and the child who has watched Mary Poppins more times than you'd like to admit.

But...( and it's a big but) I am finding more and more that I have to stop.
I have to stop the comparison and I have to work as hard at being content as I have been working hard at being discontent.
It takes a lot of energy to fume and boil over the things you don't have.

The truth of the matter is that God has given me MY life. Not yours nor anyone else's. He has given me skills and abilities. He has given me a husband and children. He has given different things to you and everyone else.
I need to rejoice in the things I have and... Wait for it...
Rejoice in the things you have too.

There is no place for envy, jealousy or discontentment. I CAN'T be envious of the things that don't belong to me and I should be joyful of the good blessings that others receive.

I'm hearing a lot of "she shouldn't share that cos it makes the people without it feel bad."
I get that too.
It hurts when someone has something you lost or wanted. I'd like to respond to those things by being joyful that the woman sharing that happy thing hasn't gone through the pain of missing or loosing it.

We can't be jealous of each other. I know the crazy spiral I get myself in when I see what others have and want it myself and I also know the joy of rejoicing with others for the great blessings they have been given and hope that when I share good things that you will be able to rejoice with me.

One month old

Smalls is one month old.
Can you believe it? She's actually five weeks and two days old but who's counting.

It's been a whirl. I feel like I'm only just resurfacing and we are starting to get back into some kind of routine.
Norah's a nice kid. She's feeding like a pro and sleeping like... a baby.
I'm getting used to broken sleep and trying to keep awake for mid night feeds. There's nothing like waking up a few hours later to find a baby right where you left her on your lap. Eeek!

Norah seems to enjoy sleeping on her own a bit more than her sister although I'm still learning this new world of putting baby down for naps. Sometimes the cute for crying will be to put Norah in her cot , a concept that after Lucy boggles my mind.

The first time she smiled she was two days old and I'm convinced it was a real smile. She looked me straight in the eye and gave a big toothless grin. I'm convinced because she keeps on doing it now with cooing sound effects. It darn near breaks my heart.

Norah is very loved by her big sister. Despite her general out of sortness we haven't had any real baby jealousy. It's so nice to see Lucy watch and cuddle and kiss her little sister. I'm guessing they are going to be great friends.

Myl again is proving himself to be a wonderful dada. He's got a spot of man flu at the moment but still is loving and caring for our family. It's a real lark seeing him with a newborn again. No better sight.

Well what else can I say? She eats, she pops, she sleeps. She's pretty happy except when she isn't (ha!). I'm so thankful for a phone that can take half decent photos or there would be very few of our little smally. But here they are. Her first month.

Lately.2

It struck me that my last post might have sounded rather annoyingly chipper.
While we are loving the giant blessings of our little ones let me say one thing.

Two kids is hard.

I have seen more holes in my personality in these last few weeks than in the last twenty or so years. My patience wears thin, my voice raises, my ability to cope with exhaustion falters.

We have these beautiful moments of calm and joy often when out in public or surrounded by numbers of friends and family but when it's just mama and the babes I often feel like I'm just keeping afloat in deep deep water. Struggling to keep my head up.

We've hit some tricky toddler territory that requires so much patience I often feel like plucking out my eyeballs. How do you reason for the 3657th time that dummy us just for sleep time or one viewing of Mary Poppins per day is quite enough?
It's hard to push through the screaming sometimes but oh the sweetness of cuddling that girl to sleep. Well, that's why we do it.

I'm learning to juggle the constant needs of my two and figuring out what needs to be done when one cries for hunger and another needs the potty.
I'm figuring out a new routine and thanking the good Lord for my baby wrap.

I'm trying to find joy in this season. The spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down. It's there if I look hard enough, stop to take a breath, pray, smile.
But I know life is a whole lotta crazy right now.




Do you have crazy baby days? I'd love to compare stories. Any hot tips?