three months old

our small one is three months old.

She is such a sweet little girl.

She likes

to smile and giggle, being in the baby carrier, music, watching her big sister, being wrapped up for bed, white noise.

Not so much

accidental whacks from her sister, being offered milk when she's not hungry, being held while sitting. 

She's just getting into 00 clothes, enjoying sitting up and looking about and cooing up a storm.

Though our worlds are that little extra crazy it's great to have this sweet smiley one around.

you are not alone

Kids are hard. Worth it but hard.

We've had a few huge hard weeks. 

But I have been reminded that I am not alone in this.

I've had a friend make us dinner.

I've had loving emails.

I've had words of solidarity. 

I've come online and seen other women going through the same hard stuff.

That's so encouraging.

If anything it makes me feel normal and in a world where you may be cleaning poo off places that poo should never be or reasoning with a small person who would make a UN peacekeeper weep, it's nice to feel normal.

No matter what crazy curveball those kiss throw at you, it has been dealt with by some other mama before.

It's nice to know I am not alone. 

your mama

they call us superheroes
amazing, wonderful, beautiful.
They say
we don't know how you do it all
have it all
know it all
They applaud our bravery and determination.
They marvel at our juggling act and thank us for being so servant hearted.

I call myself
a failure, flawed and plain.
I see myself struggle to do much
the house a mess, in pjs at 2pm.
I hear myself get angry
I feel tired and like my brain has turned to mush.
I juggle the crying baby and the pleading toddler.
I want just a minute to myself.

But to you my little child.
You see warm arms to hold you
A soft voice to sing to you
A friend to play with
And you my sweet baby
You see the one who rocks you to sleep
Gives you sweet milk
And kisses your sweet cheeks.

You see me as I am.
Your mama.

Content

I've seen a whole lot of stuff on the net lately about the way we portray ourselves online and about comparing ourselves with others.
About posting your "perfect" food, children, home on Instagram.
About talking about your "perfect" life on Facebook.

And I get it. I TOTALLY get that icky feeling when you look around your house at the dishes that have been sitting on the sink all weekend, the playdoh and weet bix squashed into the carpet, the reheated chicken curry you burned in the microwave and the child who has watched Mary Poppins more times than you'd like to admit.

But...( and it's a big but) I am finding more and more that I have to stop.
I have to stop the comparison and I have to work as hard at being content as I have been working hard at being discontent.
It takes a lot of energy to fume and boil over the things you don't have.

The truth of the matter is that God has given me MY life. Not yours nor anyone else's. He has given me skills and abilities. He has given me a husband and children. He has given different things to you and everyone else.
I need to rejoice in the things I have and... Wait for it...
Rejoice in the things you have too.

There is no place for envy, jealousy or discontentment. I CAN'T be envious of the things that don't belong to me and I should be joyful of the good blessings that others receive.

I'm hearing a lot of "she shouldn't share that cos it makes the people without it feel bad."
I get that too.
It hurts when someone has something you lost or wanted. I'd like to respond to those things by being joyful that the woman sharing that happy thing hasn't gone through the pain of missing or loosing it.

We can't be jealous of each other. I know the crazy spiral I get myself in when I see what others have and want it myself and I also know the joy of rejoicing with others for the great blessings they have been given and hope that when I share good things that you will be able to rejoice with me.