natural caesarian

I was (and still am) pretty keen on natural birth. I love that birth can be such a natural and beautiful process without medical intervention. But my experience of birth was far from natural.

I was only 1cm dilated when my little girl and I were rushed into theatre for an emergency caesarian. I had barley spent any time labouring and most of that time was spent hooked up to a machine that goes ping.

My biggest fear that came with the thought of having a caesarian and medicated labour was that I would miss out on all of the wonderful hormones produced naturally by the labouring process. That I wouldn't attatch properly to my little one and that breastfeeding would go terribly. I had heard that a woman might not see her baby for a long time after surgery and that the important contact in the first hour would be missed out on.

I guess these fears are pretty valid. While I don't want to make a judgement call on those who choose to use any form of medical intervention in the birth of their babies (each to their own) there is a natural/active birth movement for a reason. I was really looking forward to going through the pain of labour and experiencing that amazing rush I had read about in books like Ina May Gaskins guide to childbirth.

But it didn't happen exactly as I had hoped. In fact it went quite the opposite.


I had a really wonderful midwife named Kelly who was with me all through the c-section. She held my hand as they put the epidural in and let me know what was going on. I had told her I really wanted to have an active birth and she was there all along the way as my active birth options were pushed from my grasp.

Kelly made sure my little girl came over to me as soon as she could after being born. It wasn't immediate as I had hoped but it was pretty soon after. I got to gaze into her eyes, give her kisses and hold her (as best I could) with Myles by my side as they stitched me up.
In the recovery room she brought Lucy over for her first feed. I am so thankful we made it within the first hour. I had been anxiously watching the clock.
I got to have that important skin to skin contact in the recovery room and then in the hospital bed on the way up to the ward. According to my mum lots of hospitals don't do this as they think the baby will fall off the bed. Let me tell you I was holding on pretty tight. There was no chance of that.

I missed out on those natural hormones but still felt an overwhelming bond with my little girl. Myl, Lucy and I spent the next few days creating our new little family and starting it with lots of love and cuddles. I'm not really sure what those hormones are supposed to feel like but I feel as though we did pretty ok without them.


It was really hard in those early days to not be able to move around easily. I didn't change a nappy till the second day and while this may seem to be a lovely idea, I desperately longed to do this simple act for my little one. I felt like a helpless onlooker. I needed Myles to hold Lucy and pass her to me if she was in her crib and I in my bed. I couldn't lean over, bend down to pick things up off the floor or even walk properly. For the first few days I walked with a stoop. I would shuffle down the corridors and need to sit down after only a short walk. Getting out of bed or a chair was a big ordeal. I watched the other women on the ward walking with ease, sitting with ease, caring for their babies with ease and longed to be them.

Before seeing them I thought my helpless state was just a normal part of having a baby till I remembered that I had wanted to go straight home from the hospital only hours after having my little one. How far I had come. I felt scared at the thought of going home. The hospital felt safe, home felt dangerous. I didn't know how I would cope.

But I did want to go home. We went home on the fourth day with the early discharge program that has a midwife come to visit for the next three days. It felt lovely to be home. I could hold my girl in my lounge chair, sleep in my bed, change her on the table I had prepared for her and rest her down in her very own cot.

Yes, I did miss out on the beautiful active birth I wanted. I missed out on the natural hormones and the water birth but in the days and now weeks that have followed I have tried to continue with all the natural parenting ideas I had thought about during pregnancy. My little one and I have created our own natural bond and it's all working out wonderfully.

three weeks old

Our little girl is much more alert this week.

She loves face time. She smiles sometimes when we smile at her. She likes dancing with her dada.
She loves her dada. She is captivated by him. She just stares into his eyes. If she were a little older and not our precious daughter I'm sure I would be jealous.
She likes rough terrain and driving in the car. She cries when we stop at traffic lights.
She likes to move. She likes her bouncer and likes to bounce hard. 
She likes it when we sing to her. "Come thou Fount", "Jesus Paid it All", "Amazing Grace", "If I had Words." Works every time.
She likes feeding time. She gets all excited and starts to hyperventilate. Sometimes she gets confused and sucks her hand instead. She gets all confused when no milk comes out.
She likes being on her tummy when she is sad.

She gets sad a little more often these days but is usually soothed by a cuddle or a feed or a good bounce. Usually a feed. She is a hungry little goose.

She is still sleeping really well. We get a good long six hour stretch at night.

She has been out for coffee, to night church, to tenpin bowling, shopping at birkenhead point and to a cafe for lunch. After all these excursions she (and I) needed a nice nap.
We have had a lot of visitors this past week. Myls Mum and brother came to stay and lovely friends have come for meals, chats and cuddles.

She is such a blessing. I love her.

two weeks old

Our little one has been here for two weeks already!
It has been so wonderful getting to know her and how to look after her.
She has the sweetest little cry and the most kissable little cheeks.

She loves the milk and was born hungry.
She was pretty skinny when she was born and has put on 500 grams.
They usually like babies to regain their birth weight by week two but she is heavier.
She is a good feeder and is so cute when she is hungry.
It hasn't all been roses. I got mastitis last week which was pretty sore. Thank God for anti-biotics and a midwife mama.

She is sleeping through the night. Would we call going to sleep round 11 waking up round 7 sleeping through the night? I would. It's lovely.

She likes having a bath but not being naked before and after.
She likes reading Narnia with her dada but not when Edmund did a nortie and ran away.
She likes cuddles.
She likes bouncing in her bouncer at dinner time.
She likes looking into eyes.
She likes being sung to.
She likes sleeping with her hands up around her face.

We went to Bathurst to visit my mum and dad last weekend.
Lucy loves her granny and (dad hasn't chosen a name yet but let's call him poppy).
She went for walks round the garden singing songs with my dad.
She had her first outing in town and her first public feed. It was a little awkward but we got there in the end.

She is such a lovely little baby. She is very calm and good natured. She pulls funny little faces and smiles at us.
She is such a wonderful blessing. I love her so so much.

more of the babe

I just had to post this photo my sister took of my little baby girl.
She is such a good baby.

We had her first big outing today. (The official first was to her aunt and uncles house last night for dinner.) We went to church this morning and she was so well behaved. She pretty much just slept the whole way through with breaks for cute eye blinking and little smiles.

She is such a calm little girl. Feeding has been such an interesting and wonderful time. I'm getting the hang of attatching her and my body is getting stronger to cope with a little one feeding from it. She is such a hungry little girl and is getting fatter by the day. It's nice to see her growing from the food that I produce for her. Pretty special.

She doesn't much like the bath or having her nappy changed but is easily soothed by a cuddle. She is a very cuddly girl. She is never as happy as when she is lying on someones chest or being held tight.

She has met lots of her family and is getting used to some faces. She has lots of quality Granny hugs with my mum. They like each other. She likes seeing her aunts and uncles. (Especially her aunts.) She takes to anyone who will give her a cuddle really.

She really loves her dada. Myl has been reading The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe to her. His deep voice puts her straight to sleep so she doesn't hear so much of the story but enjoys it anyway. I'm sure he can read it to her again. She knows his voice and looks around for it when she hears it in the room. His smell can calm her down and he has been such a trooper in changing nappies. He has changed way more than me.

I have had such a great time being a mum so far and I'm sure it's because I've got Myl and my mum here. This afternoon I had a looong nap and Mum had some granny time. There is always food around that I didn't have to cook, nappies changed, baths given and babies handed to me in the middle of the night. I feel so so blessed.

That's enough for now. There is so much to write about my little girl and being a mama. I'm sure I will have many a post for the next few weeks. Not to mention all the photos I still haven't taken off my camera.

Stay tuned for a sweet guest post tomorrow!

Fresh Milk

 Warning- this post may contain too much information. It is about breasts so if this topic makes you squeamish I suggest you look to another post.

For everything you wanted or perhaps didn't want to know about breastfeeding and breasts in general, look no further than Fresh Milk: The Secret Life of Breasts by Fiona Giles.

Like most of the books I have read this pregnancy, I was given this one by my mum. I think in actual fact I may have bought it for her for a birthday one year. I can vaguely recall going to our family favourite bookstall and asking for the book my mum had ordered so I could buy it for her. I remember being a little startled (though not surprised) to see two large breasts on the front cover. Such is the life of a daughter of a midwife.

It was this same image that made reading this book on the train a little difficult however this is one of the themes the book discusses. Is or should popping your boobs out in public be a questionable offence? Especially when said boobs are used to feed a small child?

Fresh Milk is a series of short anecdotes that tell of womens struggle with breastfeeding, joy in discovering the usefulness of their bodies and their new identities as mothers. Breastfeeding is not all glowing faces and beautiful times. Some of the women seemed to go through terrible pain and anxiety in their quest to feed their little ones. Cold cabbage leaves, cracked nipples, milk that wont come. But through all this many of the women persisted and all in all said they wouldn't have given it up for the joy that they experienced through feeding their child.

This book leaps head first into the more socially awkward avenues of breastfeeding. Children breastfeeding at older ages, (one boy still going at eleven) the sexuality of lactation, adoptive mothers and their ability to breastfeed and even has a few recipes for breast milk in the back. It does so unashamedly and though I giggled like a schoolgirl or was shocked into silence by some of the stories I found it a really interesting read. It opened my mind to a whole side of breasts I had never thought about before and while I don't think I'll be trying the breast milk pumpkin pie anytime soon it gave me a greater appreciation of my body that has been created to sustain my little baby's life for at least the first six months of her life.