she reads

It was a regular old morning.
I'd gone to bed far too late and woken early with my little one.
Bleary eyed I poured her weetbix and sat at the table phone in hand waiting to wake up.
I was looking at something silly. Rental accomodation. I can't remember why.

Then a little voice peeped up.
"Mama, bible?"
My heart dropped.
I had been trying to make a routine of sitting down at the table in this very same way to read the bible and start my day with a little encouragement and joy.
I'd made a pretty good start of it but late nights and lack of discipline had slackened me down.

What a beautiful reminder out of the mouth of a babe.

I'm not about shaming myself or feeling low and gloomy 'cause I missed a few days. That's not where my worth lies. But I am about doing something I love, enjoy and get so much out of with integrity.

Here's where that new little button on the side over there comes in.
It's called "She Reads Truth." It's about women reading the Word together.
It's about daily reading plans and devotionals, scribbling your thoughts and sharing them with others.
It's about being that little voice at the breakfast table who reminds you to do what you love.

It's pretty awesome.

It doesn't have to be the only reading you do. You can join in or out as you like but if you're like me and sometimes struggle to get going it's a great way to get a friendly loving poke up the hiney.

He hears. He answers.

There have been so many beautiful things about the news of our little Smalls.
Things that make me weep and laugh.
Things that make me stand in awe of how lucky I am.

But I know it isn't luck. It's not by chance that I am where I am.

You might know our story.
We were told it was unlikely we would have children but because we were young there was more hope.
I cried for the children I thought I may never hold.
I cried out to God, not to give me what I wanted but to make me content with what I got.
I asked him first to make me content and then I told him the desires of my heart.

And that good God, He listened.
He listened.
And listened.

When I felt as though I was speaking into a void, He listened.
Biding his time. Waiting for the right moment.

And then, He answered. At youth camp. Two pink lines. A ray of hope. A little one to call my own.
She grew, and grew, and grew and I felt the tug once more.
Could I be lucky again?
But I know it isn't luck. It's not by chance that I am where I am.

I cried and I wept and I pleaded.
I forgot.
I forgot about the last time when He listened and listened.
I forgot about the last time when he heard and answered. When he stilled my aching heart and gave me hope.
I forgot that He knows good and He knows me better than I do.

But.
Once again. He answered. At youth camp. Two pink lines. A ray of hope. A small one to call my own.

How I sat in awe of His goodness. His goodness to silly old me who forgot.
Silly old me who pleaded like a child who had never seen goodness before.
But he hears. He listens. He delights in answering us.

A prayer for that night.
You hear your little children.
Thankyou God, for answering our prayers.

giving up and dreaming different

I have a confession to make. 

I'm a bit of a dreamer.

I dreamt that I could have a really awesome blog with an awesome matching etsy store.

I'd be Mrs 31. (Proverbs 31 that is)

But, ya know what? I actually am not that good at craft. I'm not that good at networking, running a business, blog design, photography or any of those things that make a blog and matching easy store work. 

So I'm giving up. Giving up on that particular dream. Giving up on my good blog, my good etsy store and my good popularity. 

And here is why.

This little noogin who sometimes needs to nap with mama for two hours when she has a cold.

This precious little soul who, to be completely frank, I have been ignoring a bit the past few weeks. 

She is the best way to spend my moments. 

And she is the reason I started this blog in the first place.

I'm going to start blogging again in the way I started. To remember my little girl and the times we had when she was small. I'm going to craft without deadlines and profits. I'm going to read other blogs without worrying if the people who write them will follow me back if I leave a comment. I'm giving up the grand moneymaking bloggers dream.

Here's my new dream.

I've been recording some songs.

Here is my first offering. It's a cover but it was fun. I really like music and I don't often play.

I'm not flogging a cd, I'm just singing songs about Jesus. Feel free to listen and sing along. 

Edit: I have been trying all evening to get the music player to work. I guess it's another round of Rin vs technology. Technology wins. 

To listen go to this link. It's myspace. Relive your youth.

To grow closer

Life has been a little all over the place since...well I can't remember when it wasn't. Lu and I have just spent the week away from Myl. That was hard. I've been struggling over thinking about who I am as a wife of a future pastor, mother and woman of God. It's tough.

One thought that God has given me is that in order to be a good wife, mother and woman, I need to practice and u need Him. I've always been a flaky bible reader but I have realised that it is LIFE giving.
Wait a second.

It is LIFE giving. A book. Gives life?
Well yes it does.

It is life giving, life changing, life destroying, life filled. It is a book worth reading over and over again.
So in giving it a read hot go. I've got through Romans and am working through Daniel. Just a few verses at a time. In the morning while Myl and lu play. As I read I write and I doodle just to keep the joy visually in my mind all day.

And oh does God give life when you read his life giving book. I've had a shocker of a few months growing and learning and changing. What joy! It's not over but nor is life.

Won't you join me, reading, writing and doodling through this book that gives life?

firecracker

It’s an exciting old world out there. So many things to do. So many places to go.

We’re sitting in a holding pen right now my family and I. Staring out at the world from the safety of this place we think, dream and imagine about the places we’ll go. 

Oh the places we will go! 

We’d like to travel the world going to new churches, seeing what they do. 

We’d like to meet people, become their best friends and tell the whole city about Jesus. We’d love to work in a church that does stuff. A church that moves, a church that is great at everything. A rocking band, brilliant preaching, hospitality like no other.

I think about these things and I want them now. I’m a little firecracker ready to burst. Ready to step out in faith and do things for the Lord. “Use me!” I say. I’m ready to pop and when I do I’ll make a big old pretty colour just for you!

But we’re sitting in this holding pen and in here I try things and a lot of the time they fail. I decide one morning to be bold and talk to that person only to say the wrong thing and feel stupid. 

I get all ready to open my etsy store and help make money and be industrious for my family and then the support dries up and it seems like not such a good idea. 

I decide to be a parent who thinks of God and not of what I “should” be doing and then I have a week of terrible naptimes and think I’m doing it all wrong. 

I decide to use this blog for good and write meaningful posts only to barely write any all year. 

For the first time in my life I have been reading the word, getting into it and loving it and all of a sudden the things I try to do keep failing. 

For the first time in my life I was angry at God.  “I’m doing this for you! Why do the things I try to do keep failing?”

But then I read psalm 46. “Be still and know that I am God” it says.

Who is the one that acts?

Who is the one with the plan?

Who is the one who knows what is right?

I’m this tiny firecracker wanting to burst and make a pretty colour. But the thing about firecrackers is that they only last a minute or so. After the colour fades and the smoke clears there is nothing left but an empty shell. I’ve got to wait, I’ve got to learn, I’ve got to grow. I’ve got to be still and know that He is God.

All I want to do is go out and be amazing but there’s a long road of making mistakes from here to there. I wish I could skip the mess and go straight to the amazing but that’s never the way it works. It’s hard to watch people who are out of the holding pen or standing at the gate and feel like I should be where they are. 

But I am sure that to be still and listen to God when he has things to say is something that brings great joy.

leaving home

Yesterday was our last Sunday at our church.

Source: flickr.com via Zak on Pinterest

We've spent a very lovely four years there learning, making new friends, serving and sharing.

It's been such a big four years.

We moved to the big city in Year One.

We got married in Year Two. 

We left uni and Myl started college in Year Three.

We had our little girl in Year Four.

It's been great to be a part of the Barneys family all this time.

We have grown so much.

In love for our new friends and family.

In love for Jesus.

I'm going to miss this family so much.

But the next stage of our life will be pretty exciting too.

Who knows what it will bring?

2011 - I am filled with joy

2011 started with hot days. Hot pregnant days. I was uncomfortable, I had swollen feet, I was sweltering in the heat but I was so excited for the little one who was so nearly going to join our family. I spent the first few months of the year preparing. Preparing our home for a little baby, preparing my body to go through childbirth and preparing my heart to become that of a mother.

March rolled around and on the 29th we welcomed little Lucy one into our family. What joy.
Lucy's birth was hard. It was hard waiting a week for her to come. It was hard having her come too quickly and in distress. Recovering from a c-section is hard. Not being able to change my little girls first nappy because I can't get out of bed let alone stand up is hard.
But you know the thing about joy? You can feel it when things are hard. You can be joyful with tears pouring down your face. I am filled with joy because my little one is here and I am her mama.

The next few months I learnt how to live with and love a newborn. Marathon breastfeeds, explodapoos, night wakings, calming a crying baby, bathtime.
We took our little one along for the ride wherever we went. Movies, restaurants, music festivals. I look back at the photos and marvel at how small she was. It just came naturally. I think we forgot that you are "supposed" to keep your little one at home for months.
I am filled with joy when I think about all the people who gathered around us, helped us, prayed for us, gave us things and lifted us up with words of encouragement. How sweet it is to be loved by you all. Without those kind words and love, those early days would have been impossible.

When you become a mama you don't stop being a wife. I have seen my amazing husband become an amazing father and an even more amazing man. I am filled with joy when he picks his little girl up and she smiles into his face with his eyes. I am filled with joy when I lie exhausted on the bed and he picks up his screaming little girl and rocks her gently to sleep. I am filled with joy when we chat for hours about life, love, God, anything. I am filled with joy when we quarrel because I know that he loves me and our love is stronger than any little fight.
I am learning more about what it means to be not just a good wife, or an adequate wife but a wife of noble character. One who adds to the beauty and joy of her family. One who works hard but who is still filled to the brim with joy. Not a stepford wife who wraps on a happy face (this is not joy) but a real wife who, when faced with those hard moments perseveres, hopes, loves.

We've had our ups and our downs this year. I've been angry, lazy, sad, out of control, excited, overwhelmed, expectant, serene, happy, energetic. But most of all I am filled with joy for the Lord has been so good to me. 

welcome to the family

Last Sunday our little Lucy was baptised.

It was a pretty lovely occasion. Friends and family had traveled up for the occasion and it was exciting just to have everyone in the one spot.

Lucy looked very lovely in another granny creation. Mum made the whole dress and embroidered the flowers from my wedding bouquet on the front and round the hem.

Lucy was baptised to say "welcome to the family." She is part of our family and we are part of God's family. That's a pretty lovely thing.
We are so thankful to God for giving us Lucy to care for. She is such a blessing in our lives.
On Sunday we promised to teach her about Jesus and bring her up with love in Gods family. It is my prayer that we will do this well. That we will answer her questions and love her dearly just as God does.

Oh yeah, that's right.

Source: etsy.com via Jena on Pinterest

I remembered something today.

I wasn't going to read baby books. I wasn't going to try and be the worlds most perfect parent.
My plan was to me my little ones mama.

Way back when I  first found out about my little one I prayed this prayer.


I pray that you would know the God who made you.
That you would love Him and trust him to look after you.


I pray that you would always find joy even when things are tricky.


I pray that you would take chances. Do things that interest you regardless of what other people tell you is the right thing to do.


I pray that you would not be too scared to admit you are wrong when you do something that interests you and it blows up in your face.


I pray that nothing will hurt you but I know this prayer is futile. I pray that you have the strength to overcome those hurts.


I pray that you would love your Mama and Dad. That we would love you and that you would never be afraid to talk to us.


I pray that you would be healthy, energetic and fun. That the world might be your oyster.


I pray that you will have a contagious laughter, a gentle spirit and an inquisitive mind.


I pray that you will have friends to love and be loved by. That your family will adore you and that you will have siblings to boss around.


I pray that you will know that Jesus died for you and that fact will change your life. I pray that it deeply impacts you and you will live your life for him.


Amen




Nope, nothing in there about sleeping through the night in your own bed. Nothing about eating the right food, napping for 2-3 hours. Nothing about crawling, sitting, walking. 

Yet, for the last few weeks I have been beating myself up about these things. These things that simply don't matter in the scheme of things.

I forgot about being Lucy's best mama in the quest to be the worlds best mama.
I forgot about listening to her. 
I forgot about enjoying her.

So now I'm going to read those books with a hefty big grain of salt. I'm going to do things the way my heart and Lucy's actions tell me to. I'm going to remember this prayer I prayed for my little girl and remember that these are the things I want for her.

terrible

Source: fromupnorth.com via Tifaine @ on Pinterest

I didn't know whether to post this or not but in the interests of not coming across as the "perfect" parent, here it is...

My baby fell off the change table.

You know that cute leg kick she was doing in the video I posted?
She does that on the change table.

We were about to take a bath, I put her there like I always do
she kicked
I went to turn the bath on
I heard a thud
silence
a scream.

I ran and picked up that little girl lying on her tummy on the floor.
Oh no I felt terrible.
I held her
fed her
cuddled and kissed her.
I was shaking and crying.
She was calming down.

I rang Myl,
my mum.
They calmed me down.
I stopped shaking.
We stopped crying.

We cuddled all day.

Oh yes I remembered the bath... only just.

Incidentally it looked like this.

Not what a bath should look like. Hmm..
Better call the real estate agent.

Little Lu is ok. She was back to smiling and giggling in no time. She has a little red nose and forehead but is all ok.
Thank God I moved her bath seat. It was sitting right where she fell.

I've learnt some valuable parenting lessons. After talking to mum on the phone I realised how common it is for babies to fall off tables, get baths dropped on them (thanks nana), knock heads on heaters etc and still live to fight another day in style.
I also learnt that now I need to watch my little girl at all times.
This kid is mobile.

2010 - i am thankful

My year has held a lot of different things. Ups and downs. Blessings and trials.
Sitting here on the last day I am thankful.
Thankful for the chance to live and breathe.
Thankful for the chance to experience new things.
Thankful for the chance to share this year with so many wonderful people.

My year started out at Lennox Head SUFM. We counted down to the new year and then sung and danced around. My year has started this way for the last six years.

My brother, Myl and I went up to the gold coast for the 1st of Janurary. I'm not really sure why. We went to sizzler for lunch and Myl spent the night throwing up seafood salad.

It was a great mission. We saw God working in many ways. I was cooking but ended up getting the same or similar bug to Myl and was out of cooking action for the last few days.

on my last day of prac

My social work prac started on the 20th of Janurary. I was in a hospital. I was apprehensive but determined to learn more about social work and figure out what it really was all on about. It was a really eye opening experience. I learnt a lot about aged care and the social supports available to people but there was just something missing. The social workers were all burnt out to the point where it felt like they just didn't care anymore. The system seems like it it designed to be difficult and if a person is in need they have to ask for help it cannot be forced upon them.

It was a big adjustment. I had to wake up early (7am - early for me) work all day and then often go out at night to bible study etc.

old farts party

Myl started bible college this year. It was something we had been thinking and praying about for ages so he applied and got in. He has loved being there and I have loved him loving it. He makes me so proud. He has all these wonderful friends, he is learning all these new things and everyday he seeks God's will for our lives.

As the semester drew to a close I was unsure of what to do next. I had been to see the Social Work Advisor who told me that because of the subjects I had done or not done so far I would have two and a half years left of study. I was already feeling a bit like social work wasn't the path I was supposed to go down and this was a bit of confusing information.

I drew up lists of what I was supposed to do with my life filled with crazy and not so crazy years. There was one particular plan that involved a baby that I was particularly fond of. It stuck in my head. It was what I wanted to do. But we don't always get what we want.

I knew that there was the possibility we wouldn't be able to have kids. Myl had some health issues as a baby and that was one of the side effects. We decided to explore it and he went to the doctor to find out. The doctor confirmed our suspicions and said we had about a 20% chance of getting pregnant. He told Myl that because we are young to just start trying and see what happens and come back in a year if nothing has happened.

youth camp - a very excited Myl and Rin.

Three months later we were at our church youth camp and found two pink lines on a stick.

I had already decided to not go back to uni for six months and re-asess at the end of that but then my plans were set. In 2011 I'm going to be a mama.

Youth camp was awesome.




In amongst all that we moved house to a bigger place. (such a blessing) We have an extra bedroom/study and lots more space. Just perfect for our little one.

My big brother got engaged around this time too. He got married a few weeks ago. They came back from their honeymoon just in time for Christmas. It is so nice seeing him married. It is so nice to have another sister.

I started nannying and helping out at church with kids ministry and have had such a ball this past six months.

Life feels much more relaxed. I wasn't out being career woman saving the big bucks (which has it's struggles) but it has been a really great six months. I had the time to spend with people and do all the things people wish they could do but can't because of work. I also got to help look after a family with a baby who is just about 9 months older than our little one.

 Ahh yes the little one. The most life changing, awesome, amazingly wonderful news of the year. 2011 will bring her to us and we are looking forward to it so so much.

What a wonderful year 2010 has been. It will forever be etched in our memories as a year we learnt new things and started down a new path of life. It has been a year of massive changes and God has been with us every step of the way.

Come thou long expected Jesus

Image Credit- Amazon.com

Christmas is on Saturday. Only 5 sleeps till we celebrate the birth of our Lord.

A fantastic book to read to prepare your heart and mind for Christmas is "Come thou long-expected Jesus." It's a series of sermons preached about Christmas over time. There are some old ones like one from Martin Luther and newer ones such as John Piper and Joni Eareckson-Tada.


It's really great to focus your mind on God in a time that goes a bit present crazy. There are some really great insights on the different parts of the Christmas story. There is a reading for just about the 24 days of advent. I wish I were disciplined to read one a day but alas I am not. I really enjoy sitting down and reading one with Myles every now and then though.



On some other Christmassy notes.

Here is my tree for the year. I like to go for the non-traditional tree.

Kinda looks a bit like a scary spider. Oh well.

Here are the Christmas cards I made this year... well I'm still making them. And then I'll send them. They should arrive before Christmas.

PS. I made a facebook group to see who is reading my blog. Go ahead and like it. :)

epic fail + epic love

I like to blog about happy things. I like to blog about the fun and exciting things that happen to me. About the wonderful things that come with being alive and having a new little life inside of me.
Most weeks are happy. I feel like I give this impression of a woman all together. Completely content with whatever life throws her way.

This week was not a happy week. Sure I did some pretty fun things. But it has not been a happy week. I wish I had a little time machine that could take me back to Monday so I could start again. Or just spend the week hiding under my sheets.

This week I was lazy, angry, emotional, distressed, forgetful, dishonest.

This week I lost my phone, lost an important key, lost my temper, lost my confidence.

This week I had some terrible dreams, heard a friend is moving away, broke the toilet, made iced tea with no ice, was barked at by a scary dog, didn't finish writing the Christmas play, almost crashed into someone and stood up a friend.

This week I feel like a bit of a screw up.

But that's ok. Cos I am. And I'm still loved.


My epic failures are nothing compared to the epic love of God.

When I have it all together it's easy to forget about the greatness of this love. I get comfortable in my little bubble. I've played the tune before. But when I screw it all up I look to Him. I long for Him and I long for a time when all my anger, frustration and inadequacy will be taken away.

I still feel lousy about this week. Being loved doesn't make it any less a terrible week. Being loved doesn't mean weeks like this wont happen again. But what I do know is that I don't need to fear weeks like this. The world will not crumble because I was forgetful. The world will not end because I went stomping out of a room. The world will not fall apart because I did.

It's not enough to just focus on the good and try and forget the bad because it's the bad things that happen to us that make us understand so much about life. It's those moments where you cry and cry where you can find pure joy. Joy that even though it is so impossibly hard to understand why things are going so badly we have a God who is mighty and powerful. A God who came right down to where we are and went through that sadness we are feeling.

At Christmas we remember that God became lowest of the low born next to animals and laid in a feeding trough. Visited by shepherds he was the son of an unwed woman.

This is our God who shares with us in our sorrow. Who walks with us in our pain. Who died for us in our inadequacy.

Yes, I had a bad week. It was really hard. But I am loved.

The pursuit of busyness

I have had such a busy ole weekend.

On Friday night I had a lovely birthday celebration with my dear friend Laura.

This is us when we had just finished high school.



We had some pasta at the Italian Forum in Leichhardt and then went to San Churro for some tasty hot choc made with real chocolate beads.

I had the white hot chocolate.

On Saturday Myl and I took some kiddos from church to the UV festival.
That was fun. There were puppets and goats and singing and craft.
We got to ride into the city with the kids on the bus.
It was really nice. They are such lovely kids.

We went home for a short nap before doing some babysitting.
That was fun.
I think Myles may have scared the little babysiteee. Maybe it was his beard.

The next morning we had Sunday school and went to India.
We did bollywood dancing, made naan, learnt about the Toulmin family who translate the Bible and made some elephant masks.

I wish I had taken photos.

Then I had a practice for a kids play that was on this morning. Some lovely ladies asked me to play music for their play about the Little Red Hen. We performed it this morning to a group of very cute and excitable pre-schoolers. 

Hmm there is just so much to write about.

In the midst of all that Myl and I had a home date. We had some good ole devonshire tea.

I did take some pictures of that.

Scones with jam and cream and lemongrass and ginger tea. ( A birthday present from Nic.) Yum!

Needless to say our whole little family is pretty tired after the weekend.

BUT

We get to peek at the little one tomorrow!!!
So exciting.





It would make my day if you voted for my blog. :)

results at last!

One of the midwives from the birth centre just called with my results.

She said I have antibodies.
I had no idea what this meant but she said it was good.
She also said there was no recent trace of the virus in my system.
Which is GOOD!

It means baby is ok and doesn't need to be monitored etc.


Such a weight off my mind and an answer to prayer.

Happy days.
Thanks to God.

Dressed for Power

I've been going to womens convention for about five years.
Each time it is really wonderful to hear from amazing women of God about
our Lord and how to live in response to what He has done.

This year four generations of my family went. My nana, my mum, me and the little one.

It was really nice to spend time with women in my family whom I admire and look up to.
There is such a wealth of experience there and so much love.


What did I learn?

- As a woman and child of God my power comes from God.
- He creates in us a desire to love others in this world.
- He looks after us. He is great, glorious, good and gracious so that I don't have to be in control.
- He says good things in our lives so we can trust him.
- He is powerful in our times of struggle and need.
- His love in us shines to all the world.
- He treats our actions seriously and has dealt with them.

It is great to sit in a big shed with 1000 women all from different walks of life and know that God loves us all.

That he is in control of us all.

Books for the Bobbin - The Chronicles of Narnia.

Image Credit - Fantastic Fiction

I grew up reading these books, watching the BBC adaptations and playing Narnia in my backyard.

The family favourite is 'The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe" the story of four siblings sent to the country in World War Two. The youngest, Lucy finds a magical land in the back of a wardrobe in the country house they are living in and at first her siblings don't believe her but later are forced into hiding in the wardrobe and entering Narnia.

In Narnia there is a witch who calls herself queen who has made it always winter but never christmas. Legend has it that she will be defeated by four humans who will become kings and queens and replace her. They will be put in power by Aslan the king.

The four children are reluctant heroes but find that they must enter Narnia and help it to be rid of the White Witch.

When we used to play Narnia my brother was High King Peter, My sister was Susan, I was Lucy and our Dad was Mr Tumnus the friend of Lucy. Our dog was Aslan. Mum did not often play but we would sometimes give her the role of the witch. I'm sure she loved that. Nobody wanted to be Edmund so his role was sometimes taken by friends who came to play.

It is a happy story about children who are able to make a difference in a magical land and become kings and queens. There are beautiful creatures and scary villains. The white witch certainly is formidable but I think it is necessary for children to see such characters. Our world is not full of good things and misunderstood things. There are some things that are dangerous and some things worth being scared of. I can remember being terrified of the Witch.

But in the end good triumphs over evil.

As a child I was totally unaware of C.S Lewis using the story as a parallel to the story of Christ. I have read that he did not intend the story to teach children about God but merely to see what it would be like if Jesus came in a land inhabited by talking beasts.

I remember watching the Disney/Walden Media film of Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe and was all at once struck with the beautiful image of Aslan being killed on the stone table just as Jesus died on the cross. It struck me that Aslan was not caught, he was not a fool. He went willingly and suffered pain and died knowing he would be alright and he would be victorious.

I don't really think it matters if you can't make a connection between Christ and Aslan. I think the stories standalone as wonderful works of fiction. They encourage children to believe and use their imagination. To trust in good and turn from the bad. They have memorable characters and are written in a way as to encourage children to read more and more.

These books will no doubt be read to the little one over and over again.

This is us.

Pretty sure this blog is going public.

Welcome if this is your first time.

I thought I might make a few introductions.

This is me.
My name is Rin.
It's my 22nd birthday in a few days.

This is Myl
He is my darling husband and the dada of the little one
I have known him since the 14th of Janurary 2006
We got married 2 years later
I think he is pretty special

This is us on our wedding day.

This is us now. (Looking a bit blurry.)
We are going to have a baby in March 2011 by Gods grace. You can read the story in the "Little one" section at the top.


I hope you enjoy reading this blog as much as I enjoy writing it.

xx

Now that I've introduced myself, I'd love to know who YOU are dear reader...