Had a random day of heartburn. Hello old friend. Otherwise feeling fine and kicky.
Getting a bit nervous about swollen feet, water retention, feeling like a beached whale that I remember from last time.
My bump is emerging... slowly...ish.
Doing
Still wearing my jeans. I feel an odd sense of pride till I remember you are supposed to not fit into your jeans when with child. Still feels good.
Watched a video with my mama about skin to skin in the first hour. It made me swoon for a newborn. And a natural birth this time pretty please.
Thinking
So glad the weather forecast for summer has changed. Goodbye stinker, hello La Niña.
I'm also thinking about boy names. It's ridiculously hard to choose. I'm looking forward to finding out one way or another so we can keep figuring it out or not worry.
We've had some really lovely hot days lately. In the afternoons after Lucy wakes up i'll fill up some buckets with water and washing up detergent and let her play in the bubbles.
She plays for ages.
One day she decided that the bubbles would be far nicer in her hair. Soon enough she was wet from head to toe. A very successful way to cool off on a hot day.
tired. but that may have something to do with the sick husband and little girl I have been nursing back to health this week.
Feeling more and more little kicks and movements.
doing
heard smalls heartbeat on Thursday for the first time. It was sweet and very reassuring.
I've been having some not so nice pregnancy dreams. It's nice to wake up and realise that they aren't real.
thinking
This summer is supposed to be a real stinker. I'm thinking about a paddling pool for christmas.
I'm excited to find out the gender of this little babe. We couldn't get an ultrasound till 22 weeks so have a few weeks to go.
The little one was given a big box by her aunty and uncle who bought a new pram. She has not stopped playing in it. It's been a cubby, plane, boat, wardrobe (to narnia), bed, and canvas. Sure beats an expensive toy.
Last Thursday we bussed down into the city for the annual night noodle markets.
Can I just say that things are often 10x more fun with the little one around.
The kid eats sushi. After nights and nights of making interesting face shaped dinners we found a win with a dollar chicken and avocado sushi roll.
The kid loves centre point tower. You kinda had to be there but there was a lot of oohing and hand waving and general amazement. Also giggling from us and about twenty people around us.
The kid kinda loves everything. The buses, the tall buildings, the Chinese dragon, the attention, the pancakes, and being around so much love and amazement is pretty fun. It kinda catches on you know.
We also ate some tasty noodles and dumplings and salt and pepper squid. Ooooh yeah!
The other day Lucy and I were doing a spot of gardening and spied a little snail crawling around in the garden.
I called Lucy over and showed her the snail. We looked at it's curly shell, It's slimy trail and its wiggly antennae. We watched it crawl along and learnt not to touch the snail otherwise it would shrink back into it's shell and be very scared.
It made me think about the things Lucy and I do together. Most of the time we just coast along but I like the idea about being intentional with the things we do. She is like a little sponge at the moment. She picks up actions to songs, instructions and I'm guessing information about snails.
I don't think a regimented scheduled program is what we need but I'd like to think more about teaching her the ways of the world with a little music and craft thrown in for good measure.
Do you unschool your toddler? Is it something you thought about or did it just come naturally? What did you do? How did it work? Have you ever eaten snails?
smalls move! some small bubble pops and then definite movement. One night it felt like smalls was sitting right high on my tummy it was all popped out and moving. Seriously awesome.
I had my first midwife appointment and she said she couldn't use the doppler so this bit of movement makes me feel a whole lot better.
doing
getting into exercise. I'm really struck by how unfit I am and how much I need to be ready for the marathon that is childbirth. I always intended to get back into shape before getting pregnant but kinda missed my chance. I'm not intending to run kilometers but just feel more confident about going the labour distance. I'm also looking into VBAC classes. My hospital doesn't run them so I'm on the lookout.
thinking
or not! I keep having pregnancy moments. Feeling quite happy about calling it baby brain but I have my suspicions it might just be me.
It's so different this time round. Two years ago my thoughts were consumed by Lucy but now, I sometimes forget I'm pregnant. Especially when about to put my mouth around a ham sandwich or something.
I was in my final year of high school. I thought I was pretty awesome. Pretty cool. Pretty fun. Pretty great to be around.
It was a good feeling to feel invincible. We were the top of the school, the best at everything.
I couldn't wait to fly the nest. I had it all planned. One year to work and then off to the city to study and make something of myself. I was waiting for my moment to fly.
I was busy. There was music to play, equations to be learnt, King Lear to be read and memorised. I had friends to chat with, a busy social schedule, dreams to plan.
I wanted to see the world, finish my studies and open my eyes to the beauty and wonder that lay beyond school.
I remember one evening. I was playing music at a big fancy reunion dinner our school was throwing. 50 years, 75, I can't remember. It was just one of those things. Our school had a pipes and drums band and paraded us out at every opportunity. Who doesn't like the bagpipes?
The buzz of being on stage was electrifying. To stand and play with all eyes fixed on you is a feeling like no other. The music plays and when it stops you can bask in the applause. We played that night and drove back in the bus buzzing. Another job well done.
But I had forgotten my instrument. I left it behind at the function centre. In the car that had become "mine" I drove back to fetch it. A simple enough task. I walked in, retrieved my case and left. But as I left my world was changed. No huge moment, no physical scars but a memory that shattered my world.
There was a man there. Standing between the light of the centre and the safety of my car. He was drunk and made suggestions. I froze. This did not fit in with my awesome, cool, fun, great world. The confident girl, ready to fly was scared. She couldn't move. One step out of the light and the safety would end. I slipped back and frantically looked for someone I knew. All around me were smoking, drinking alumni and in front of me some man from the streets leering and gesturing.
A face in the crowd I recognised. Our school chaplain. I looked up at him in what must have been a hopeless withering stare. He came over and asked if I was ok.
This was an adult. The very type I had been longing to be independent of. The very people I thought I could do without. "Look at me flap my wings," I would say "I'm big enough to not need you anymore."
He led me through the clouds of smoke and past the scary man to the safety of my car and watched as I drove away. On that trip home I cried not because anything had really happened but because of the weakness I felt. It was the first time my independence had been tested. The first time it had failed.
I listened to one of my favourite songs "Blackbird" in a new light after that day. No longer did I see it as an anthem for freedom and independence but as a reminder that the little bird who flaps her wings and opens her eyes is still a fragile little bird.
"All your life, you are only waiting for this moment to be free."
I saw myself as this little bird, waiting to burst forth and be free but realising that the world can sometimes be a dark black night.
That night shocked my confidence and made me realise that I'm sure not indestructible. I thank God it was a lesson learned without harm. Things could have turned out so differently. I'm glad I found a friendly face in the crowd.
I listen to this song and I remember that night. I remember the little girl who began to grow up.
dancing
animals
weet bix
talking with her ever expanding vocabulary
playing round and round the garden
sticking her hand under the hose while i water the garden
when dada comes home
cuddles
wearing big girl undies
singing
helping mama
Lucy doesn't like
leaving fun places
being helped
anything on her head other than a hat
male leaders at creche
crusts
What a fun age this is!
Lucy is blossoming into this beautiful intense little girl who I love fiercely. Her laughter is constant and contagious and her tantrums loud and maybe just a little bit sweet and funny.
She is learning more and more about the world and how it all works.
She is talking and I am getting glimpses into how she sees things and what she remembers.
Everyday I am blown away by this little sponge who is so eager to learn and so excited to see new things.
We've seen her
first go at potty training (not too bad)
first art class
first two words together
first song sung with actions
Being Lucys mama is exhausting in an entirely wonderful way. I am constantly stretched to think more and more about how to love her and teach her. What a blessing this little girl has been.
