Last night. Christmas night. I was chatting to Myl in the car.
"I want to go home." I said.
"But we don't have a home."
For all they say about home being where the heart is I just don't feel it.
We've felt the extreme blessing of great family and friends to stay with. I will forever be grateful for the love poured out to us these past weeks but I'm so done. I'm just ready to have a home.
I don't want to be a wandering gypsie anymore. It's no longer cute.
It's been a long year. I'm not going to lie. It's been a long hard year.
I can't help but feel disappointed in myself. I've dropped so many balls and let so many time. I have spent most of the time feeling guilty and the rest way over my head.
I haven't been the woman I wanted to be in so many ways.
So I'm cutting myself free of this blog. I've lost the joy in doing it. Nobody reads it but my parents and I can just pick the phone up and call them.
It's not fun anymore I just feel guilty about it.
It makes me feel like a big failure.
I love reading back over the posts and reading my thoughts and seeing the pictures and it makes me sad I can't document smalls in the way I did the little one but I need to stop.
Maybe one day I'll get back into it. Reclaim the joy.
But for now, it's goodbye.