06 January 2012
2011 - I am filled with joy
2011 started with hot days. Hot pregnant days. I was uncomfortable, I had swollen feet, I was sweltering in the heat but I was so excited for the little one who was so nearly going to join our family. I spent the first few months of the year preparing. Preparing our home for a little baby, preparing my body to go through childbirth and preparing my heart to become that of a mother.
March rolled around and on the 29th we welcomed little Lucy one into our family. What joy.
Lucy's birth was hard. It was hard waiting a week for her to come. It was hard having her come too quickly and in distress. Recovering from a c-section is hard. Not being able to change my little girls first nappy because I can't get out of bed let alone stand up is hard.
But you know the thing about joy? You can feel it when things are hard. You can be joyful with tears pouring down your face. I am filled with joy because my little one is here and I am her mama.
The next few months I learnt how to live with and love a newborn. Marathon breastfeeds, explodapoos, night wakings, calming a crying baby, bathtime.
We took our little one along for the ride wherever we went. Movies, restaurants, music festivals. I look back at the photos and marvel at how small she was. It just came naturally. I think we forgot that you are "supposed" to keep your little one at home for months.
I am filled with joy when I think about all the people who gathered around us, helped us, prayed for us, gave us things and lifted us up with words of encouragement. How sweet it is to be loved by you all. Without those kind words and love, those early days would have been impossible.
When you become a mama you don't stop being a wife. I have seen my amazing husband become an amazing father and an even more amazing man. I am filled with joy when he picks his little girl up and she smiles into his face with his eyes. I am filled with joy when I lie exhausted on the bed and he picks up his screaming little girl and rocks her gently to sleep. I am filled with joy when we chat for hours about life, love, God, anything. I am filled with joy when we quarrel because I know that he loves me and our love is stronger than any little fight.
I am learning more about what it means to be not just a good wife, or an adequate wife but a wife of noble character. One who adds to the beauty and joy of her family. One who works hard but who is still filled to the brim with joy. Not a stepford wife who wraps on a happy face (this is not joy) but a real wife who, when faced with those hard moments perseveres, hopes, loves.
We've had our ups and our downs this year. I've been angry, lazy, sad, out of control, excited, overwhelmed, expectant, serene, happy, energetic. But most of all I am filled with joy for the Lord has been so good to me.