I started this year with a lot of plans for the things I'd do and the woman I'd be.
These were good plans.
But these were not the plans for this year.
I had a funny feeling I'd be learning about humility this year and I have. The only reason I haven't called this post 2012 - I am humbled is because though I have learned much about humility I have also been very blessed to have been part of some amazing things this year and in stead of feeling humbled, downtrodden and alone I feel hopeful, encouraged and warmed by the greatness of a God who is big when I am small.
I wanted to be a popular famous woman this year. I wanted my influence to spread far and wife through this blog and my offline life too. I wanted to be the girl with a zillion friends, a rockin etsy store a classy looking home and a name that everyone knows.
Those things may come but not this year. I found my influence does not have to be large to be great. I found a small group of women who have influenced me far more than I could have done them. I found the joy of loving my family and that being enough. I found little conversations with people I don't know so well. I've had comments from you that kept me going at blogging when I just felt like throwing in the towel.
Most of all I have found a God who is so big but who listens to even the smallest of his children. Who hears the woman crying out to be famous and comforts her with the fame of knowing that He knows her.
He hears the woman crying out to have her womb filled once more and gives her what she asks. He fills the wombs of women around her to give these little ones friends and to bring glory to his name.
He hears the discontent in her heart and sends a word, a hug, an encouragement, a day off.
He sees her need for Him and gives word to a little one to remind her to read his word.
This year I abandoned my resolutions and found more grace and peace than I thought I ever would. I am so small. I can only get some things done. I have to say no sometimes. I mess things up. I let people down.
But God is big and he had this year in his hands.