epic fail + epic love

I like to blog about happy things. I like to blog about the fun and exciting things that happen to me. About the wonderful things that come with being alive and having a new little life inside of me.
Most weeks are happy. I feel like I give this impression of a woman all together. Completely content with whatever life throws her way.

This week was not a happy week. Sure I did some pretty fun things. But it has not been a happy week. I wish I had a little time machine that could take me back to Monday so I could start again. Or just spend the week hiding under my sheets.

This week I was lazy, angry, emotional, distressed, forgetful, dishonest.

This week I lost my phone, lost an important key, lost my temper, lost my confidence.

This week I had some terrible dreams, heard a friend is moving away, broke the toilet, made iced tea with no ice, was barked at by a scary dog, didn't finish writing the Christmas play, almost crashed into someone and stood up a friend.

This week I feel like a bit of a screw up.

But that's ok. Cos I am. And I'm still loved.


My epic failures are nothing compared to the epic love of God.

When I have it all together it's easy to forget about the greatness of this love. I get comfortable in my little bubble. I've played the tune before. But when I screw it all up I look to Him. I long for Him and I long for a time when all my anger, frustration and inadequacy will be taken away.

I still feel lousy about this week. Being loved doesn't make it any less a terrible week. Being loved doesn't mean weeks like this wont happen again. But what I do know is that I don't need to fear weeks like this. The world will not crumble because I was forgetful. The world will not end because I went stomping out of a room. The world will not fall apart because I did.

It's not enough to just focus on the good and try and forget the bad because it's the bad things that happen to us that make us understand so much about life. It's those moments where you cry and cry where you can find pure joy. Joy that even though it is so impossibly hard to understand why things are going so badly we have a God who is mighty and powerful. A God who came right down to where we are and went through that sadness we are feeling.

At Christmas we remember that God became lowest of the low born next to animals and laid in a feeding trough. Visited by shepherds he was the son of an unwed woman.

This is our God who shares with us in our sorrow. Who walks with us in our pain. Who died for us in our inadequacy.

Yes, I had a bad week. It was really hard. But I am loved.